Being 22, I guess let's live.

Honestly, I have been afraid of growing up for awhile now. What type of new pain do I have to endure? When will my other painful memories become easier to tolerate? Will my pain ever feel lighter and not too heavy anymore? 

But these days I haven't thought too much anymore. I'm letting myself feel whatever that I want to. I used to held off my feelings a lot - feeling like I shouldn't be feeling that way or even running away from it. Instead of thinking too much about everything else other than the present, I guess it's easier to deal with myself and feelings these days. Not sure if it's because I haven't gone out and experience a lot of things in general in 2020 but I hope these progress will be easier to do as time passes by.

I let my teenage years and some of my childhood to depression and anxiety that it affected my 20s as well but I don't want to surrender to it anymore. I don't want to let it go over me anymore. I want to be able to enjoy life and emotions joyfully. I'm not sure if that's possible but I hope my future self feels lighter these days. If it's not that's okay too. Even if you're in your 30s, I hope you know that there is no timeline in which you should feel like you should have accomplished something.

Living is about learning and growing.

Some takes little steps, some takes bigger steps in other.

There is no rush - even if you have more knowledge in some things and lesser in other, isn't realizing and trying to know more about it is already good enough? The most important thing is that you are sincere. And that you feel alive.

Thank you for living. You did well, past, present and future Aliah Nabihah.