Will to Live.

I was reading a book called 'Suicide Note' today and I have just been thinking? Since when have I been thinking of death as an escape road? I wish I remembered it well, I wish I have a solid answer for that. It just seems natural at some point, to think of death I mean.

I thought I would remembered all the feelings that lead to me thinking about that. Reading the book made me think of myself a lot more. Jeff was confused why he attempted and I thought oh wow this guy is dumb and said I know why I want to but the more I think about it, the more no reason of it that I can't recall anymore.

It just seems natural to me. Everything doesn't feel wrong anymore.

The book questioned why it's wrong to take your own life and I feel more sadden that I agree. The thing is, my mom was talking about her friend who had cancer and was so positive of wanting to fight and live. And how she said that most of the sick people wish to be healthy which made me question myself, how long has it been since I asked for a miracle?

I don't even want to be save these days. I just agreed that I will be unhappy forever.

And that I will never found love. And be able to live normally.

Maybe all I really am supposed to do is to just live. Although I really wish I don't have to go another day every day especially when it's the day before the New Year starts.

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