Thursday thought at the library.

                       I'm actually at the library right now. It's 3:14PM and I actually had a really really bad breakdown again. The thing about crying in the car, su*cidal tendencies come so easily. Hence that's what happened to myself just now. I honestly didn't know where to go or where to run to or who to call earlier so I end up driving around pekan and stopped somewhere because I was crying too much. I thought I wouldn't feel that pain again but I did. I was actually close to call the hotline for help but I know I have to explain so I didn't. 

                       I don't know what triggers me. Or I do know, I just don't want to admit it, is all. I wanted to write down my feelings but I don't? Even know what I'm feeling right now. Rasa macam loser. And I don't even know nak keluar from that thought. Maybe I should masuk kelab apa apa. I need new air, new environment. But ah, running from problems, that's what I'm always good at, don't I? 

                       I need to meet more people, that's for sure. I'm just scared, frustrated, rasa macam I need new people to mingle with, I supposed. Of course, nothing stays forever. And I'm preparing to move on to a new phase, that's for sure. Let's live well, for ourselves the most, Aliah. Let's breathe well too.

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